The tricks my mind plays

I am over the moon that mental health is no longer that ‘taboo’ subject. In fact more and more of us are opening up about our feelings, worries and emotions. Last year seemed to be a pretty epic year really. Mental Health was boldly talked about and it became apparent that there are more of us suffering from anxiety and depression than really known about. My own experience is still very real and plays a big part in my everyday life. I considered keeping it all to myself, inside my worrying brain but soon realised I shouldn’t be ashamed of my feelings. Anxiety is very real and I think a lot of us are suffering in silence, when really we could be helping each other.

I’m sorry in advance as this post won’t sound particularly cheery, but that is in fact real life. Some days aren’t all big smiles and happiness. Some days merely are just crap. I’ve always been a worrier shall we say, but my big no no subject has to be Death. Since I can remember I’ve had this negative relationship with it, when I think about it my whole self goes into sheer panic mode. However I have always seemed to keep those thoughts and emotions at bay and only think about it when I really sit down and choose to think about it. Unfortunately this is no longer the case, death is at the forefront of my mind, every single day and it is exhausting.

I noticed this change about a year after Freddie was born, I began to think about it a lot, all the time in fact. I attempted to figure out the trigger to this sudden surge in emotion, perhaps my job in healthcare hasn’t helped. In all honesty these thoughts were always there but having Freddie just made me worry more about life as I guess I have so much more to lose- sounds silly right?

Just before Christmas 2016 I fell poorly with my same boring tummy problems. I was signed off from work for 3 weeks and began to feel really low (although I had been battling these issues for a while before this.) I noticed a huge increase in my levels of anxiety- so I decided it was best to discuss this with my GP. After a few appointments I was put on anti-depressants and referred to Healthy Minds (NHS Mental Health Service), reluctantly I started to take these tablets and after a few months I began to feel more calm and overall a bit less unbalanced. I have to stress before this my mind was on overdrive, I began to have very irrational thoughts during mundane everyday activities. I wish to list some below just as an insight into my mind at the time, please note they all pretty much revolve around people dying! Again full of the cheer!

  • If I heard of a car accident on the radio or sirens when I was out driving I would automatically think ‘maybe my mum was driving near there? was she due to be in the area at that time?’ I would then have to call her to check she was okay.
  • If Freddie slept through the night- of course I assumed he may have died before any other thought entered my mind.
  • If Adam went into town perhaps he’d forget to look where he was going and be knocked down by a car or a bus.
  • Before I get in the car I think maybe someone will crash into me today?

I wont list anymore as I think you all get the gist- just imagine pretty much any daily scenario involving anyone close to me and the possibility of them dying. Its so morbid and writing it down is quite embarrassing but that is genuinely how bad my anxiety got. I was and still am petrified of losing someone close to me and I’m not sure that feeling will ever go away. My therapy sessions helped for a few weeks, however for me, I found over the phone therapy difficult and felt face to face contact would’ve been more beneficial. This of course is challenging when juggling work and children. Falling pregnant with Noah really helped me, it gave me something to focus on when I was feeling pretty low and I did start to feel a lot better.

I decided back in September to stop taking my tablets- in all honesty I felt a bit ashamed. When asked at every midwife or hospital appointment ‘if i took any regular medication’ I always felt silly saying ‘yes I take anti-depressants.’ I have to say there was never any judgement and I was never made to feel this way, it was just a natural emotion. The classic ‘I should be happy because I’m having a baby’ statement hung around my mind and it just made me feel awful. I am now 4 months without them and I can see those crafty irrational thoughts worming there way back into my mind. It is so frustrating but I think it will always be a part of me. Of course in the future I want to talk it through with someone professionally but for now I am doing okay.

My two gorgeous boys and Adam help me a lot, I have a brilliant family and can distract myself from it taking over like in previous years. My blog has been a brilliant aid, therapy in its own little way. I have realised how much I love to write about my life and feelings- how much I love to interact with fellow mama’s who are in similar situations. My mum always jokes that I always have to have something on the go, something to look forward to. Perhaps that may be how I cope with these feelings but I’m okay with that. Yes one day I hope to be happy living in the moment but for now focusing my mind helps me and boy do I have a lot of things to focus on this year.

I hope I haven’t come across as a Debbie Downer, I really am generally a happy person. Just some days I battle with this anxiety and these emotions that I’ve not quite figured out yet. I wish, in the future, that more and more people will open up and continue to normalise these mental health problems. I think more of us suffer from them than we are aware, and I also think we can help each other. I’ve come across some pretty cool people- via Instagram (shout out to Anna from Mamas Scrapbook,) who have some awesome reading material on all things psychological. So please if you can relate to anything I have said, then get in touch! I would love to hear from you. Or if you know of more fellow Mamas or Papas I should follow send the link my way. I would really appreciate it x

With Love

Karis

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The tricks my mind plays

Along came my brother..

I think if you asked any 2 year old if they really wanted a little brother or sister, the answer would probably be no. Well if Freddie understood he would’ve said no for sure. They take all of mummy’s time and cry pretty loud, as well as poo everywhere! Sounds horrible. I grew up with 2 sisters- I am very close to them so there was no way Freddie stood a chance of being an only child (nature permitting.) I love others, I want a large family and lots of people around as I grow old. I want my children to be close like my sisters and I, I want them to follow suit. When I found out I was pregnant I was thrilled as you can imagine and naturally started thinking about what the future had in store for us. Ultimately what this change mean’t for my family and I- Freddie in particular.

A common question that arises when you are expecting your 2nd child is how you are preparing your 1st born for the impending new arrival. I read a handful of blog posts on what to expect, but in reality as a mother and family I knew our experience would be different to others. However I did find it helpful to read these, I found it comforting knowing that my emotions where normal and gained some pretty awesome tips along the way.

During my pregnancy I made sure I spoke to Freddie about the baby and my ever expanding tummy. In hindsight he didn’t really have a clue what I was jabbering away about but I liked to discuss it with him anyway. As my body physically changed I struggled to do a lot of the fun stuff Freddie likes to do, particularly the slide at Mead Open Farm, but he didn’t take no for an answer. It was hard to explain to him that ‘mummy can’t do that because of the baby in her tummy.’ He always looked so disappointed (cue large pregnant lady hurtling down the multicoloured slide in a rope woven sack.)

We bought him a dolly and pram, attempting a bit of role play portraying our impending reality. I encouraged him to take the baby for a walk or change its nappy but we had to stop as the poor dolly became severely concussed after being thrown from the pram during every outing. A family member brought us a brilliant book which he really enjoyed reading (There’s a House Inside my Mummy- Giles Andreae and Vanessa Cabban.) It is such a beautiful story and a great read, Freddie sat intently listening the whole way through but didn’t seem to make the connection between the book and my tummy.

When I was about 20 weeks pregnant, Freddie had his 2 and a quarter year review with the health visiting team. During this meeting I got talking to the nursery nurse who gave me two great tips which we did end up using with Freddie and Noah. I will list them below in case anyone is interested- they worked for us, I am not suggesting they are right for every family.

  • When introducing Freddie to Noah it was important to make sure I wasn’t the one holding the baby in those first precious meeting moments. Freddie had not seen me for four days so it made sense that I should be available to run up to him and give him a very big squeeze. The Nursery Nurse explained that he may think ‘my mummy has left me and now has a new baby.’ As soon as she said it I knew it was something I wanted to make sure I did.
  • Buy a gift from baby to Freddie and vice versa, to give to each other when they first met. It doesn’t have to be extravagant or anything, it would perhaps just make the whole experience more positive for Freddie. We got a cuddly bear for Noah and a little train track for Freddie- which as you can imagine was a huge success.

 

As my due date approached it all became very real, everything we’d been discussing with Freddie and all the pretend nappies we’d changed were soon to be our reality. I was booked in for an induction at 38 weeks which in a way was a godsend as I was able to sort out childcare for Freddie (Grandparents and Siblings to the rescue- I told you they were useful!) In the days leading up to my induction I made sure I spent one-to-one quality time with Freddie as the inevitable guilt set in. The night before was by far the worst for me, I just felt really bad that I had made the decision to have another child  and that Freddie would no longer be the complete centre of my world- well he would have to share it with his brother! I put him to bed and squeezed him extra tight and in the morning I said goodbye as if I was going on a cheeky trip to Morrison’s. I cried like a baby all the way to the hospital, I was a mess!

Unfortunately my induction took 2 long days and by the time Noah was born, the epidural had worn off and I was set to go home I had been away from Freddie for 4 days. I mean I’ve been away from him before but of course this time was different. Family were brilliant as always, sending me photos of him at the park and eating gingerbread men- in reality he was having a pretty great time without me. (Although I am told he did ask for me and kept shouting mummy!) I often wonder in his little mind where he thought I’d buggered off to- nowhere fun Freddie, the pain was unbearable!

My mum kindly offered to bring him to the hospital to meet Noah but I didn’t fancy that. It was hot, confined and unfamiliar to him, not the kind of place I wanted their first meeting to be. If my bed was more private it may have been different but I was in a particularly small bay with 4 other women and their newborns. I just didn’t want to spend such a personal moment with the whole world- and Freddie would have to leave me afterwards which only mean’t one thing-TEARS TEARS TEARS.

On day 4 of being in hospital we got to come home, I came in the door first- Freddie was beaming at me. I have a video of the boys meeting for the first time which I am keeping to myself but it really was amazing. Freddie went straight over to Noah and held his hand with a nervous little smile on his face. He was memorised by him, in that moment I wondered why I had been worrying so much- I was a hormonal mess of course, crying again!

The weeks that have followed have been both precious and challenging. Freddie adores Noah but some days he completely forgets he exists (until Noah farts and then its all laughs.) He strokes his face and constantly asks for ‘Big Cuds Noway’ only to follow with ‘Move Noway’- see video on my Instagram for this its cute!

Before Christmas I had noticed a change in his behaviour- not a positive one either. He’s always been brilliant with other children and well socialised but I had noticed he’d started pushing and taking toys off other children. Pre-school had picked up on this too and spoken to me about it which if I’m honest lead me to tears. I went to baby weighing clinic one morning after dropping Freddie off and the Health Visitor asked me how I was doing- I broke down in front of all the other mummies there it was super embarrassing. I was more just angry and frustrated because I was trying my absolute best and knew his behaviour, although bad, was just a way at getting my attention. I decided not to take it as a personal attack and focused on helping Freddie express these feelings.

We took 2 weeks at Christmas to really spend one on one time with Froddo which seems to have really helped- well fingers crossed! I guess its part and parcel of introducing a new member to our gang but all in all he seems to be doing well.

So there it is, our experience so far. If you are expecting your 2nd child I am sure you’re experience will be different to ours. Ultimately we are all unique and all approach parenting in different ways but what matters is that we support each other along the way. This is what my post is, support for other Mums and Dads. To say that introducing another child isn’t actually that bad. If you are approaching the big due date and are nervous, try not to be, I have been overwhelmingly surprised at how Freddie has coped and you never know you may be too. Good Luck and enjoy every moment- & pass this on to other expectant parents if you have found it helpful to read.

Here are some photos of my boys together!

With Love

Karis

xxx

 

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Along came my brother..

Good at Saving? Teach me!

As its January and the fabulous 5 weeks until payday month, where most of us are surviving on left over quality street and frozen party sausage rolls, I thought it would be a great opportunity to talk about MONEY- or lack of in our case.

I’ll be honest, I am crap with money- you know those people who just have it together, save and always grab a bargain- yep not me! or Adam unluckily. We are both as bad as each other when it comes to saving. Perhaps if one of us was half decent at it we could at least carry the other one along on the money train, but alas we are two peas in a broke pod.

I’m not going to go into detail as I would bore everyone to death. Adam is fortunate enough to have a good sales job (he does alright.) I work part- time for the NHS and bring very little to the table (apart from my olive skin and funny personality 😆) We pay a fair bit in childcare even though Freddie goes a whole 8 hours a week and we basically don’t have a lot left at the end of the month. Our money is put in one big pot, whats mine is Adams and vice versa, even though we aren’t married its what works for us. Broken down our money goes on mundane day to day bills – Rent, Car, Water, Gas, Electric (I know all the great things.) Food seems to be our biggest issue. Sainsbury’s has kindly opened an extortionate local store opposite my front door and its a daily struggle not to spend £10 in there on milk and what ever else happens to jump in my basket.

Yes I’ve done the whole ‘food shop once a week’ but by Tuesday were already out of milk (*cough* CHOCOLATE) and the local store is calling me. I want to be in a better position going forward, to be able to plan a nice holiday or god forbid our wedding without the dreaded question- but where would we get the money for that from?

Its going to be a slow process, money doesn’t grow on trees (although that would be pretty cool right?) Maybe I will finally win an ITV This Morning competition like ‘Real life Carole from Derby who won £200,000 and a mini cooper.’ Oh fantastic Carole, do you fancy sending some my way?

This isn’t me moaning, I have to express Adam works EXTREMELY hard for his money and the children never go without. We have a lovely rented house and definitely don’t starve. I just want to get better at SAVING so we can look forward to something when we do have some spare cash.

So before I go bankrupt and blame Sainsbury’s- how do you fabulous savers do it? Where do you get your inspiration from? I am looking for recommendations/ books/ Instagram accounts or blogs with good tips on saving or if you personally have any yourselves.

I’ve tried shopping in Aldi but why don’t they stock everything I want? Going to one supermarket with 2 children is fun enough without having to drag everyone to Tesco for Sudocream.

I have thought of a few things myself- we’ve joined the National Trust and The Zoo for fun family days out- all we need now is to nip to Sainsbury’s for our picnic stuff and we’ll be sorted 😆

Let me know your ideas- maybe then I may get the Centre Parcs holiday I’ve been dreaming of. Oh and be proud of me, I said no to a dominoes takeaway tonight and had a crumpet instead.

I’ll be rich before I know it ❤️

Love Karis

x

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Good at Saving? Teach me!

Freddie the Fussy Eater

Today we sat down for our lunch and surprise surprise Freddie was not playing ball. He turned his nose up before the plate even touched his tray. I attempted to encourage him, even pretend to eat some of it myself but he wasn’t interested. I decided in that moment I wanted to write a post to reach out to other parents who may have some good advice or tips on children who don’t really like to eat anything their mother cooks for them! (I promise I’m not an awful cook!) 

Freddie, now 2 and a half, was weaned at 6 months. Enthusiastic and excited about his journey on from milk I read a few Annabel Karmel books. We started with the standard homemade puree of all the delicious veggies and fruit that I’m not sure I would eat together but is somehow normal in the weaning world. (Pumpkin, Sweet Potato, Apples and Blueberries- I personally wouldn’t choose all on one plate but babies love it!!) 

His favourite were always the sweeter ones, carrot- sweet potato- strawberries- prunes. We continued on pureed food until around the time he got his nashers (this is an estimate as I can’t really remember.) I guess I was fairly cautious about introducing solids until I was sure he wouldn’t choke on it! It can be a scary thing giving a child food  and just hoping their gag reflex will work when needed. I cooked batches of spaghetti bolognese and cottage pie, he loved the mince meat but funnily enough has never been fussed by the creamy mash. Here is where I get lost on our eating journey. At some stage between 1-2 he became a very fussy eater. He could wolf down an Ella’s kitchen pouch but give him the real deal fresh and made with my loving hands he wouldn’t want to know.  Of course I persevered and continued to make lovely food for him to eat only to be disappointed when we’d sit down together. Cue the flapping arms and tears. 

Fast forward to now and we are not much further forward. I mean he doesn’t starve but most of his meals consist of spaghetti bolognese and cereal. He could eat Malted Wheaties until the cows come home and if he asks for chipppps and nuggeys one more time I may cry. He has THE sweetest tooth. Chocolate doesn’t stand a chance against him but we tend to only give him it as a ‘treat’ if he eats all his dinner or at Christmas time for example.

I’m sure, as parents, we’ve all been there in some way or another and that’s why I’m writing this post, to ask for your advice or experience. I try the ‘get him down from the table and don’t offer him anything else’ approach which sometimes works but other times he goes hungry and wakes up wanting food.  Some days when I’ve been up all night with Noah I have no patience and I’ll give him what he wants because the battle is just not worth it. 

It obvious to me now I’ve written this down where I am going wrong, consistency is key. I do try, I cook fresh meals full of vegetables and goodness only for it to be thrown on the floor! 

I don’t know what they put in Little Dish meals but he’d eat them all day if he could/ I could afford it haha! 

BASICALLY-

If anyone has any helpful advice for me that would be amazing, even reassurance. Maybe you too had a fussy eater on your hands but now they eat everything. 

Recipes!! Send me recipes! I see fabulous people on Instagram baking breakfast muffins and all sorts! I’m willing to do that! I want to use this platform to discover new ideas and approaches that may help me and Freddie at meal times.

Thank you in advance and please don’t judge! I’m sure we’ve all been there in one way or another when we are tired and just can’t battle anymore & if you’re child has not eaten one ounce of sugar ever then good for you but we are worlds apart 😊

Lots of Love

Karis & Freddie

x

 

Freddie the Fussy Eater

The Year to Come

A lady I follow on Instagram posted a link to generate your ‘best nine’ photos of 2017 and it got me thinking about the year that has just past. I wrote a snippet of it on Instagram when I produced my nine most liked photos but wanted to elaborate further as I feel it has been a very up and down year for me.

At the end of last year I was ready to say farewell to 2016 as medically it hadn’t been my best year. When Freddie was born back in 2015 I went through a pretty crap time whilst enjoying my new found motherhood. One night when Freddie was just 4 weeks old I went to bed feeling pretty rubbish with a very heavy feeling in my tummy, I woke up at 2am in horrific pain. I honestly thought I was having a heart attack, I couldn’t breathe. An extremely shaken Adam called 999 and I was taken to hospital and given lots of morphine (amazing stuff.) After being sent home and told I was constipated (a common thing in pregnancy and after birth,) I continued as normal and simply rested and ate sensibly . No less than a week later I ended up being rushed to hospital in the same excruciating pain and thought it had to be something different. After blood tests galore I was diagnosed with acute Pancreatitis (inflammation of the pancreas.) I spent just under a week in hospital and away from my newborn baby. To cut a long story short I had a scan that showed I had gall stones which had blocked the tube to my pancreas. Besides being ridiculously painful it couldn’t be left as the stones could potentially move again. A month later I had an operation to remove my gall bladder, and consequential stones. The size of MALTEASERS! It was day surgery, pretty uncomplicated from a patients perspective. I came home and rested but still didn’t feel myself. A week later I went back to hospital to see the surgeon as I had severe stomach discomfort. During my wait I collapsed in the same terrifying pain I had been in to begin with. I had post-operative pancreatitis. Basically my organs were pissed off and inflamed. I spent another week in hospital and another horrid time away from my little boy. The only decent thing is that I got all the sleep in the world! Which if like Freddie you hate sleep then it was heaven!! When I came home things went back to normal, however I have never quite felt the same since, I won’t go into the details too much but I had and continue to have ongoing gastroenterological problems.

At the beginning of this year I had been off sick from work with my tummy problems, and my anxiety was at an all time high. My brilliant gastro consultant had set up a handful of tests which hopefully would help him get to the bottom of my ongoing symptoms. However all this mean’t one thing for me, that I would be unable (for a little while anyway) to have another child. For anyone who knows me will know I always wanted to have more than one child, so this just added to my frustration. I had various tests throughout January and surprisingly found out I was pregnant at the end of February. It was perfect timing really, as if my body was just waiting for my tests to be completed and for me to feel less stressed than I had previously been. It seems strange writing about it for others to read but I know how frustrating and stressful it can be when health problems get in the way of you having something you really desire.

Fast forward 9 months, granted not the smoothest of pregnancies, and I have my gorgeous little Noah Laurie. He joined us and made all those tests and weeks in hospital slightly more bearable because he is what I had always wanted. If you’ve had asked me in January I would’ve said I wasn’t really looking forward to the months ahead but now that feels silly. I had an amazing year- and here are my highlights.

  • Finding out I was pregnant at the end of February after being certain I wasn’t.
  • Getting our new car (although yes its too small for us now!)
  • Going abroad for the first time as a family, we went to Lanzarote and spent a week just playing in the pool with Freddie which was pretty lush.
  • Freddie starting pre-school and seeing a massive improvement in his speech.
  • Giving birth to another little boy, although I’m officially outnumbered.
  • Spending a few weekends in Norfolk, which you’ll soon discover is my most favourite place in the world.
  • Having a lovely Christmas (not unwell) surrounded by all our beautiful family.

If you are reaching the end of this year and thinking to yourself that perhaps 2017 didn’t go your way or you haven’t got much to look forward to then I hope you can take something from reading this. My 2017 started out looking pretty bleak, but I can safely  say it has been the complete opposite. Yes I have struggled more with my anxiety and perhaps gained a little more weight than planned but I know these are things that I can improve and focus on in the new year. This isn’t a new years resolution post. I just can’t wait for whats to come. I want to lose a bit of weight, plan more family days out and make more friends. I want to get better at taking photos and spend more time cooking. I want to expand and develop my blog and get as many people to read it as I can, and hopefully meet some new people through it. I CAN’T wait for Freddie to become the chatterbox I know he is going to be and no doubt make us all laugh with the things he comes out with. All of Noah’s ‘firsts’ we have to look forward to, laughing, sitting, weaning. I just can’t bloody wait.

So please, don’t feel like things aren’t going your way, you just never know how they are going to turn out.

Now tell me what you are looking forward to in the new year?

With lots of love

Karis xx

The Year to Come

Went to the farm, didn’t see any animals just a whole lot of poo.

Well, that was interesting!

I was super proud of myself for getting my butt in gear and heading out to the farm today with Freddie and Noah. In all honesty I wish I hadn’t bothered. I think Freddie had more fun yesterday when we stayed home all day playing trains and watching the Polar Express. Apparently everyone in Bedfordshire decided that Mead Open Farm was the place to be today. God knows why! It was hideous.

I usually enjoy going there as long as its term time and not full of people. It sounds awful but I would much rather go when there’s a sum total of 3 people in Shaggy’s Play Cafe. Well today there was an average of 1000 people haha. We arrived and Freddie was starving, the cereal and toast a few hours earlier just didn’t cut it, WE MUST GET FOOD NOW. I was stressed already. Just imagine me holding Noah in one hand, carrying a tray full of food/drink in the other whilst trying to hold Freddie’s hand standing in a queue of about 10 families. It was not fun, why didn’t we just stop at Mcdonalds? We could have enjoyed some cold salty chips in the comfort of our own car. But no, I ordered 2 portions of chips (one with cheese, one with beans!), a ham and cheese toastie and some jaffa cakes. Now at this point can you tell I was stressed? What the hell was that for a balanced lunch? Awful I know, we didn’t actually end up eating it anyway!

So with Noah, Freddie and tray in hand we went looking for a table- absolutely none free. I didn’t have the luxury of reserving one with my coat or bag before hand! I think this was the moment I actually felt a bit overwhelmed. Freddie had just got ahead of me slightly but I couldn’t get through the crowds of people (yes still at the farm I know it sounds like we were at a concert or something.) I could see Freddie getting further away and I started to panic, no one would let me through! I think it was pretty obvious I was struggling big time, I went to just abandon my tray of food and run after Freddie frantically waving my giant car seat around when FINALLY a lovely employee offered to help me to my table. Unfortunately by that point I had lost Freddie completely and panicked. I mean there are so many people around but hes only little and could easily slip through the front door unnoticed. I left poor Noah asleep in his car seat with the staff member whilst I ran off towards the soft play. Luckily my little Froddo hadn’t got very far and looked a bit lost and confused bless him- I wasn’t impressed really I had told him to wait with me.

We sat down to eat our food in a pokey little corner where we’d managed to find a table, I think it was free because nobody liked the look of sitting there. I’m not surprised there was a lovely winters draft coming in from the emergency exit door situated next to me. Anyway, Freddie refused his healthy chips and beans, moaned at me until he could have the jaffa cakes and then we went to play. I took Noah out of his car seat and carried him into the soft play area. He was a star and was fast asleep for most of it. Freddie ran around working up quite a sweat- would he let me take his jumper off? No mummy why would you want to do that?! He ended up getting quite excited running around with all the bigger children until he got knocked over then it was all tears!

Just when I thought, wow could we have anymore fun right now- something smelt funky. Yep, Noah had explosively pooed ALL OVER ME. Oh but try explaining that to a 2 and a half year old. Did Freddie care that I smelt like a sewer? nope, he just wanted to carry on running around having fun! I ended up having to bribe him with the Ipad and Peppa Pig as I didn’t have a spare hand to pick him up. So off we went to change Noah’s whole outfit (mine would have to wait, I don’t tend to take spare clothes out for me,) only to discover of course they are renovating the loos?!!!! At Christmas their busiest times yay! So I changed Noah on the floor by our table and the lovely draft.

This sounds like a really negative post, but it is the reality of trips out with two small children. In all honesty I haven’t felt like venturing out (apart from to my mums or my friends house) since Noah arrived and today has totally put me off from doing it again. Obviously I will but maybe not the farm a few days before Christmas. I also felt completely and utterly alone. I spoke to no one the whole time I was there, how sad is that?! Anyway, on wards and upwards. We are home and in the warm ready to attempt going out tomorrow, maybe!

Also we saw a total of NO animals and Freddie ran off as we tried to leave and I had to yet again run after him with Noah in tow. I do apologise to anyone at Mead Open Farm if I bowled you out with my car seat. It wasn’t intentional!

Love Karis

x

 

Went to the farm, didn’t see any animals just a whole lot of poo.

Tis The Season to be Jolly

If you ask anyone in my family they would probably say I am the most Christmassy person they know. I LOVE Christmas, it is without doubt my most favourite time of year. I think this has something to do with the fact that everything is super sparkly. I mean I have 3 sets of fairy lights just in my living room. In all honesty I would have my tree up all year round if it wasn’t a bit weird. The evenings draw in earlier and Adam comes in from work to a warm cosy house and there is always good stuff on the tele. Visiting places like the garden centre become so much more fun because of the Christmas displays and general festive feeling. FOOD. I think the food needs it own separate post haha. Christmas Dinner is basically a fancy roast, but oh it tastes so good. I love pigs in blankets and turkey, redcurrant jelly and YULE LOG is my favourite. Its really the only time of year that eating tubs of quality street (mainly the orange ones) becomes suddenly acceptable. Well that’s what I tell myself anyway. However this year I just don’t feel Christmassy at all. Not one bit. It makes me sad because I wait all year for this!

I haven’t done any of the things I would usually do. Most years I usually go shopping in Milton Keynes (sounds awful and busy) but sometimes going there and picking up my gifts can get me in the festive spirit. The songs are playing and yes there’s always sparkly glittery lights. I love the Christmas display they have and the big merry go round. But I have done all my shopping online. 

The past two years we have taken Freddie to our local farm to see Father Christmas and it was just wonderful. It was cold both years but Freddie loved it and it was yet another thing to get me ready for the holidays.  

I have decided that I don’t feel Christmassy because I have just had a baby (well 8 weeks ago) but still. I get NO sleep and I am still getting used to attempting to leave the house with two children, let alone go shopping the week before Christmas. It is like a military operation, I must look ridiculous as I walk to the car holding Freddie’s hand, Noah’s car seat and the changing bag all whilst trying to lock the front door (which of course you have to have a spare hand to pull the handle up), unlock the car and make sure Freddie doesn’t escape onto the road. I just don’t have the energy this year and that is fine. 

We are mixing it up a bit and travelling up to the Wirral to spend Christmas with Adam’s family. It will be so strange not to be with my mum and dad, I’m surprised I have been convinced as I am usually stuck to my mum like glue but it will be nice for a change and I am actually looking forward to it. I am very close with Adam’s family, I love his mum and dad and its nice for them to have a chance to see the boys on Christmas morning. We have lots planned, we are finally seeing Father Christmas on Christmas Eve (he’s a busy man but has found the time to nip to their local garden centre) and having some lunch there. I know we will all get cosy in the afternoon in our Christmas pyjamas and watch films and snack on celebrations and crisps. There will be a yummy Christmas dinner and yule log and we will just have a nice chilled out day, which when you are this tired sounds amazing. I may even have a cheeky nap! 

I guess I have to realise that for one year its okay to not have a Sainsbury’s shop on order, we won’t starve and the sparkly lights in Milton Keynes will be there next year. What matters is that I will be surrounded by our lovely family. Adam is off work which is such a treat and Freddie and Noah will have the best time. 

I have however made my mum organise a whole 2nd Christmas day for when we come home so I don’t feel like I have abandoned them!

Merry Christmas to you all

Love Karis, Ad, Freddie & Noah 

x

Tis The Season to be Jolly

Freddie & Noah

I thought I would write a post about the two little ones who will be at the centre point of most of my posts. My two boys, Freddie & Noah! 

Freddie, my oldest, is 2 and a half and is just the best. I know we all think our children are the cutest and cheekiest because we are all bias, but Freddie really is just a beautiful little boy. He is completely obsessed with trains, whether it be Thomas the Tank engine on the TV or his huge train track at Pa’s house, he would watch/play with them for hours on end. Freddie, much like many boys, loves running outside and playing in the park (sliding face forward down the slide is always a highlight.) We visit the farm where he is completely petrified of the sheep but could chill with the piglets for ages. He started pre- school in September this year and is getting on very well. He struggled with his speech for a little while, understanding what we were asking or saying to him, but unable to respond. Since going to a cute chatter tots group and learning a lot at pre school his speech has come on leaps and bounds. Its almost like the words were right there on the tip of his tongue but he just needed a bit more time. We were wandering around Lichfield town centre yesterday and he amazed me by saying ‘Christmas Tree, Santa Coming’ clear as day. I love that his funny little character is coming out even more through his speech, it is so rewarding as a mother. Apart from when he tells me there is a ghost in the room, that just totally freaks me out! (I blame paw patrol for that one!) Freddie loves going for leaf crunching walks with his Pa, who is a bird watcher, and climbing the trees. His Auntie Lau Lau teaches him all about the moon and the stars and he has all the fun times with Auntie E. Adams family moved to the Wirral so we don’t get to spend as much time with them as we would like, but Freddie absolutely adores them too. Papa is always first for a cuddle when they come to visit. The best thing about Freddie by far is how he has adapted and taken to life as a BIG BROTHER. I am going to write about this a bit more but he is just so affectionate towards Noah it makes my heart ache! I mean sometimes yes, he almost smothers him when trying to give his blanket to him but i know deep down he means well! So yes that’s my boy, Freddie! I’m sure you’ll get to know him a lot more in the posts to follow- Oh he is a TERRIBLE eater. Beige all round, or cake he loves cake!

Then there is my gorgeous Noah (or Noway as Freddie likes to calls him.) He is the newest edition to our family at just 8 weeks old. There is not much to say about little Noah at the moment as many of you probably know babies don’t really do much haha! He reminds me so much of my older sister Laura it scares me but very much has his daddy’s eyes. He has taken so well to breast feeding, which is completely different to my experience with Freddie, and likes to feed ALL THE TIME and mainly at night! Noah has just started to smile at me! To be honest with the faces I pull at him he must think I’m absolutely bonkers, but its cute either way. He loves to be cuddled, I mean who doesn’t? but to the extreme that one minute he will be dead to the world only to be scarily staring at me as soon as I put him in his moses basket (another joyful night time occurrence.) Noah has completely changed my world, just like Freddie did. I cannot wait to see them grow up together, I know they are going to run rings around me and have me wrapped around there little fingers, but I am totally fine with that. 

Here are some photos of my boys, my absolute world. 

 

 

 

 

 

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How can you feel so lonely when your heart is so full?

I am writing this at 1.17 am after feeding my 7 week old baby Noah. He is particularly gripey tonight after not pooing for a few days (brilliant, it means I’m due to get pooed on tomorrow most probably!) The boiler in our house has packed up at a pretty rubbish time just before Christmas, luckily it was my parents to the rescue with the portable heaters, thank you! So I am currently sharing my average double bed with my partner Adam, our 2 and a half year old diagonal sleeper Freddie and attempting to feed our newest edition Noah. I have had lots of awake time recently to think about my life as a mummy. I absolutely love it. But sometimes it can feel rather lonely, silly really when you always have two mini me’s attached to you but it’s true. During the day when Adam is at work I spend my time playing with Freddie (choo choo trains are his obsession at the moment.) We read Shark in the Dark and Roo the Roaring dinosaur on repeat whilst trying not to watch another episode of paw patrol, all whilst trying to feed and tend to beautiful little Noah Majowa (a random nickname, no idea why but it rhymes.) At that time I feel this desperate feeling of loneliness. Yes I admit I am very family oriented, my dad and two sisters joke about my obsession with spending time with my mum so I guess I do like to surround myself with others. Does this make me more prone to loneliness when I’m at home with my two boys who don’t give me an awful lot of adult conversation? 😂 I’m not sure. I decided I wanted to do something about it, to talk about my life as a mummy to my boys and to reach out to others who may be feeling the same. I am just a normal 26 year old women, I adore adore adore Freddie and Noah, we have so much fun. Freddie is constantly cracking me up, from picking his bogeys and handing them to me, to asking me ‘mummy play choo choo train’ for the 20th time that day. I wouldn’t change a thing. We laugh a lot, so why not share it? From our little bubble at home, here are our adventures. If I can reach out and connect to other parents who feel like I do and help them to feel less alone then I will be a happy lady ❤️ so enjoy, and get in touch X Karis X 

 

How can you feel so lonely when your heart is so full?